Simon C. Denyer, formerly of the Dallas Cowboys, was recently awarded a degree in Hegemony and now teaches at Filbert College in Loma Linda, California. His many awards include several that he bought at pawnshops throughout the Northeastern United States, plus many other that he managed to swipe from high school hallways while working his second job as a janitor. He is the first American to ever swim across the English Channel while singing all the songs from “Fiddler on the Roof.”
Rolfe Winkler has started several new companies in the past five years that have all broken records of one kind or another. His company PEZ-tronics installs GPS chips in candy, so that parents can monitor the whereabouts of their little ones at all times — unless, of course, the little ones have thrown their PEZ away — which they invariably do. Luckily, Winkler sold all rights to some goslings in South Bend, Indiana, before the stock sank lower than the Titanic.
Scott Cacciola is currently exploring the polar ice cap, in hopes of discovering the secret of why snow always falls down, and never up. After all, he says, it’s so light — it stands to reason it should float up and well as float down. He is being funded by the Arts Council of Greater Milwaukee, and the Muckle Institute of Provo, Utah.
John Schwartz hasn’t been heard from in many years. His last known address was General Delivery, Corner Ketch, Delaware.
Jesse Newman’s hobbies include producing static electricity from amber pipe stems and breeding sock monkeys. His most recent books are “How to Invest in Catgut” and “The Mystery of Pink Lemonade Solved.” His list of achievements include scaling Mount Baldy with a bad sunburn, eating his way out of a locked peanut brittle factory, and juggling six wet cotton balls at the same time. He was named Junior Junker by the Prussian Parliament in 2017.
Lizette Munderson became the first woman to win the Heiseman Trophy in 2013, and since then hasn’t looked back. Her sports career includes stints as hockey puck inspector, spitball dehydrator, short stop for the Mendicino Midgets, and two seasons cleaning spittoons for the New York Blinkers. She currently runs a Pachinko parlor in East Rutherford, New Jersey.